The Blue of Your Eyes
by SparkIntoAFlame
Summary: "When I saw you, the first thing I noticed were your eyes" Modern College AU. Rated T for suicidal/self harm themes.
1. Chapter 1

Alexander furiously typed, taking breaks only for sips of water. As his fingers flew across the keyboard, he glanced and the multitude of scars on his right arm. Reminders of past mistakes and lapses. Like tonight. He sighed quietly and reluctantly closed his laptop. He could take a break.

According to his phone, it was 2:36 AM. He had class in about 8 and a half hours. He flung himself onto the unmade bed and managed to shift the blankets onto himself. The essay was due in three weeks, but he had almost finished it.

 _Just a few more revisions to finalize it._ he thought as he yawned heavily. His eyelids drooped and he was asleep before he knew it.

AXA

Class was monotone and boring. Professor Washington was good enough, almost like a father to the orphaned Alex. Professors Lee and Adams on the other hand...Alex could live without his math professor. However, he found all of his subjects fascinating, something that his newfound friends seemed to tease him endlessly about.

"Mom ami, you are, how to say, obsessed with your writing," Lafayette laughed, as the four ate on the front lawn of campus.

"Laf's right y'know," Hercules commented, snatching fries from his boyfriend. Laf slapped his hand, and Herc grabbed Laf's hand and pressed it to his mouth. Alex let out a roar of laughter as Laf pretended to faint from the kiss.

"Where's John?" Alex asked, looking around for his best friend.

"Here!" a voice called. John Laurens was jogging across the field, holding a bag of greasy take-out. "Sorry I'm late."

Alex felt his heart skip a beat or two as he watched John sit down next to him. As John began to pull out his food, his eyes slid to the scars littering Alex's left arm. Alex, blushing, pulled the sleeve of his jacket down. John grabbed his hand.

"Alex. You promised," John said, a mixture of worry and pain in his eyes.

Alex averted his gaze from the others as John slowly exposed the rest of his arm. His stomach gave a jolt of fear and shame as he felt their eyes on his scarred arm.

"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely.

"Oh, Alex. Y-You. Alex...please...for me. For Laf and John" Herc said in a strained voice.

"Mon petit lion..." Laf began, his eyes bright.

"I know. I know. I'm so, so sorry," Alex choked out before bursting into tears. He hid his face in his hands. The next thing he felt was John's warm arms around him.

"We'll work through it together. You're not alone, Alex," John murmured. "You will never be alone. You've never been alone, and I'm sorry if we ever made you feel that way."

Alex buried his face into John's shoulder and Laf and Herc joined the embrace until Alex was hidden under them. John gently held Alex's face in his hands.

"Talk to us, Alex. Please?" John pleaded.

Alex nodded and threw his arms around John and the others. He knew that they would always be there for him. As he quietly sobbed, John's steady arms wrapped tighter around him as if to reassure Alex that he was there.

I love you, Alex thought. Little did he know, Laurens was thinking the same thing...

 **Hey there! I haven't written in a while, and I forgot the password to my old account. So I made a new one! Hopefully my stories are a lot better now. Sorry if it's not up to standard haha. I'll try to update once a week, and I'm thinking of doing a MCU fanfic. See you next week! Leave a review if you like (or dislike). Tell me what to fix!**


	2. Chapter 2

***disclaimer: this chapter is more from John's perspective***

"Alex?" John knocked tentatively on their door.

"You can come in. The door's open!" a muffled voice sounded.

John quietly entered the room, his eyes darting around, looking for Alex. He spotted him on his bed, flipping through a textbook and occasionally typing on his laptop.

"John!" Alex smiled, closing his laptop and carefully marking his page in the textbook. "Hey, what's up?"

"Well me, Laf, and Herc were going to meet up in their dorm to study for the-"

"MATH TEST TOMORROW, SHIT!" Alex sprang up from the bed, grabbed several sheets of lined paper, another textbook, and his laptop. "I can't believe I fucking forgot sh-"

"Woah, Alex. Calm down, that's why I came to get you," John laughed, watching Alex frantically stuff everything into a bag. "Also...are you doing okay?"

Alex stopped his packing, and for a second, John was afraid that he had gone too far. Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yeah. I'm...I'm better. Two nights ago, well, that was a mistake. A lapse in judgement," Alex responded softly. Before John could say something (and he had no idea what to say) Alex continued, "I'm sorry, John, I know that I hurt you. And Laf and Herc. I'm...I'm so sorry."

John pulled Alex into a hug. Alex tensed, but slowly relaxed into it. John slowly let go, hoping that Alex didn't notice his heart pounding.

"Let's go," John clapped Alex on the shoulder and led him from the room.

AXA

An hour later, there was very little studying done and a lot of throwing pencils and paper balls. John, laughing, dodged a crumpled up sheet of notebook paper thrown by Laf and tossed a pencil in his general direction. John risked a quick glance at Alex. He was...beaming. And John couldn't believe how beautiful that smile was on him. Alex caught his eye and John grinned back at him.

"What time is it? I want food," Laf whined, before yelping a curse in French as Herc threw a piece of paper with some of the long-forgotten math at him. Laf picked up an eraser and chucked it back him. Herc easily caught it and tackled Laf to the ground, kissing him softly.

"Aw, get a room, you two," John rolled his eyes. Laf and Herc pulled apart from each other and smiled.

" _Je t'aime Hercules_ ," Laf whispered, before pushing Herc off. "I'm still hungry, though. Let's get some crappy food and then we can pretend to study more."

"I'll actually pass on the studying," Alex muttered. "I was going to ask Angelica for help with my essay."

John felt a flash of jealousy. Angelica Schuyler was dating John Church, and there was no chance they were going to break up anytime soon. He remembered when Alex had dated her younger sister, Eliza, but they had separated. Alex hadn't dated anyone after that.

"What are we getting?" Herc asked, and soon the daily debate about what to eat for dinner had been sparked. After settling on a Chinese takeout spot near them, the vote was for John and Laf to go get the food.

John settled in the passenger seat, and watched, somewhat enviously, as Laf pecked Herc on the cheek and sat in the car. After reaching the spot, Laf parked.

"Do you want to come with?" John asked, as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Wait _mon ami_ ," Laf said gently. "I need to talk to you. About Alex."

John froze.

"What?" he asked cautiously.

"You heard me, John. I'm worried about him. And you," Laf's eyes were missing the familiar humorous twinkle.

"I-why are you worried about me?"

" _Mon dieu_ John. Hercules and I are not blind. We see the way you look at him," Laf gave John a half-smile. "And the way he looks at you."

John blushed a deep shade of crimson.

"I don't know what you-"

" _Pour l'amour de Dieu_ , John," Laf sighed. "You love him! Tu l'aimes."

John buried his face in his hands.

"Yeah, maybe I do. But he prob-"

"I fucking swear John, if you say he doesn't love you I will kill you," Laf threw his hands up in exasperation. "He looks at you constantly! He-"

"Okay, okay fine!" John opened the car door. "I'll confess my love over some kung-pao chicken, happy?"

" _Oui, merci!_ " Laf exclaimed.

 **I apologize if some of the story has weird typos! I wrote a lot of this on the Docs app on my phone, so it's not very easy. Send feedback this way; I'm always looking for ways to improve! I also take requests for things to write. I just have a few conditions, that I can discuss if a story is requested.**


	3. Chapter 3

***if you couldn't tell, the perspectives kind of switch around***

"There you are!" Herc laughed as Laf and John walked in, carrying a bag of takeout. "I was beginning to worry."

"Okay, I got the food; someone get plates." He looked around. "Where's Alex?"

"Went back to his dorm," Herc said, bringing over plates. "Said he wasn't hungry."

John frowned.

"That's not like Alex, he'll at least eat," John mused. "Should I check on him?"

Laf and Herc looked at each other, smiling.

" _Mon ami_ , is this when you confess your love?" Laf grinned.

John groaned.

"Fine, I'll tell him," John muttered as he left the room.

" _Dites-lui!_ Tell him!" Laf shouted after him.

AXA

John entered their dorm. He saw Alex on the bed, uncharacteristically doing...nothing.

"Alex?" John called softly. "Hey, Alex?"

When Alex didn't respond, panic started to creep into John. He walked over to Alex and put a hand over his mouth. Alex's wrists were red with blood, deeper cuts than John had ever seen on him. A note lay next to him, with five words written on it: "You're better off without me."

John backed away, fumbling for his phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Help me please, my name is John Laurens and my best friend just tried to commit suicide. I'm at King's College, please hurry!"

 **HOLY SHIT! WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW? You're gonna have to wait! Sorry bout that. I am updating a lot because I'm not sure if I will be able to update for a while, I'm a little busy what with school and all.**


	4. Chapter 4

The next few hours were excruciating. John, Laf, and Herc rushed to the hospital behind the ambulance that had come to get Alex. Herc drove while Laf sat in the backseat with John, who was crying.

"Laf, I love him, I _love_ him. And I never told him. I'm such a damn _fool_." John managed to choke between deep, shuddering sobs.

"Shh, John. _Mon ami_ , Alex will be fine, I swear," Laf whispered.

After pulling up to the hospital, they had sprinted inside to find Alex, since the ambulance had arrived a few minutes early. John paced the hallway outside Hamilton's door while Laf gripped a trembling Herc on cheap plastic seats. At some point, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy Schuyler had shown up and hugged John tightly before joining Laf and Herc on the seats. Aaron and Theodosia Burr, who were old friends of Alex, John, Laf, and Herc, had come too.

Some time later (John wasn't sure), a doctor came out.

"He's...stable. But he's not awake. I'm not sure when he will wake up, but I want to say in the next hour or two. If you want to see him, I'd prefer one to three at a time until he's fully conscious and aware," she said, scribbling on a clipboard.

"Let him go, _mes amies_ ," Laf said, gesturing for John to go in first.

John took a deep breath and eased inside, shutting the door behind him. The sight of Alex, hooked up to several machines almost sent him back out again. He walked hesitantly to the chair by the side of Alex's bed, and suddenly, words and tears spilled out.

"When I met you, you introduced yourself to me as Alexander Hamilton," John smiled. "When I first saw you, the first thing I noticed were your eyes. They're violet-blue, Alex, and they're so beautiful, I could get lost in them for hours. And I don't think I wanted to admit it, but I love you. I fell in love with you, and you can blame Laf for making me realize that I am truly heads-over-heels in love. I'm a goddamned fool because I never told you. I don't think I could stand it if you...you…" John gulped. He couldn't say the word. It seemed too final, like he accepted Alex's death.

"John?" Alex's weak voice shocked John out of his thoughts.

"Alex!" John gasped, standing up and reaching for Alex's hand and gripping it tightly.

"I heard everything you said, you great buffoon," Alex closed his eyes and held John's hand back. "And, for all my faults, I love you too."

A wave of relief crashed over John, so hard his knees buckled. He sat back down and stared into the violet-blue eyes of the man that he now loved.

AXA

A day later, Alex was released from the hospital. The second he walked into the lobby, he was crushed in a hug by the Schuyler sisters and Theodosia, and when they finally let go, it was repeated by Laf, Herc, and Burr. But Alex only had eyes for the man standing a little behind everyone else, as if scared by the prospect of facing him. Alex took long, confident strides towards John and gently kissed him. John returned the kiss, entwining his hands in Alex's hair.

"It's about damn time," Eliza muttered, saying what was on everyone's mind.

"Get a room, you two," Herc called out, repeating John's words from just two days ago.

Alex and John reluctantly broke apart, but smiled at each other for a second.

"I assume you're finally together?" Angelica said in a would-be innocent voice.

"No!" Laf gasped in mock surprise, but a warm smile lit his features.

"Let's go home, babe," John murmured and wrapped an arm around Alex's waist.

 **Yay! Alex is okay, the ship has sailed! Everything is fine and dandy amirite? I'll let them be happy for now...**


	5. Chapter 5

John rolled over in bed. His alarm clock was blinking 5:26 AM. He groaned softly. It was too damn _early_. He and Alex had spent that night in Alex's bed, together. The thought made him smile. _Together_. He and Alex.

The covers moved next to him. Turning around, he saw Alex facing him, a small smile on his face.

"Morning," John kissed Alex on the forehead. "Although I wish it was last night."

Alex gave a wry laugh. "Not funny."

"I'm hilarious"

"I beg to differ. You're very cute though."

John laughed quietly as Alex shifted closer to him. John leaned forward to better reach Alex's lips. Alex hummed contentedly and rested a hand on John's bare chest.

"Sleep or…?" John teased.

"Sleep, you bastard."

John chuckled as Alex curled up against him, placing an arm around him to pull him closer.

"John…"

"Yes, my love, light of my life?"

"You're gay as hell."

"I've noticed."

AXA

By 10:00, John and Alex were ready, and walked down the hall to Laf and Herc's dorm.

"Babe, get the door," Laf's voice sounded tired.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

A short pause, and then a sigh and Herc muttered "Fine."

A moment later, he flung the door open and grinned widely at the sight of John and Alex.

"My two favorite lovebirds." He let them in and turned around. "Laf, it's John and Alex!"

Laf caught sight of them and smiled hugely.

"Laf...?" Alex ventured.

"What's up?" John asked.

In response, Laf held up his left hand, where a sparkling ring sat. John let out a shriek.

"HERC PROPOSED?" Alex screamed.

Herc walked over to his new fiancé and kissed him soundly. "Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

The day had been perfect. Alex claimed it was the best birthday he had ever had. They spent all day with their friends and even Thomas and James popped in to wish a happy birthday to Alex.

"I love you," John said, giving Alex a soft kiss.

"Remember when you confessed your love for me because you thought I was unconscious?" Alex murmured softly. "I was planning on telling you when I woke up and then I heard you going on and on about my damn eyes. It's been...what four years now?"

John sighed at the memory. "I cried all the way to the hospital."

Alex closed his eyes and leaned on John's shoulder. The sun was setting and John was getting nervous about what he was planning on doing. He slid off the bench and got down on one knee. Alex gasped softly as John opened the box he had been holding onto all day.

"Alexander Hamilton. Will you do me the honor of being my husband?" John asked, grinning nervously.

"Yes."

AXA

"When I proposed, I didn't think I would be THIS stressed on the day of the wedding," Alex commented as Laf straightened Alex's tie. Laf smiled.

"I was just as nervous as you, mon petit lion."

The music swelled, signaling Laf to walk down the aisle.

"Good luck, mon ami," he laughed before strolling down the aisle with Herc. John and Alex had agreed to have two best men and who else besides Laf and Herc?

John was already at the altar, and before Alex knew it, his feet were propelling him towards the love of his life.

"Do you, Alexander Hamilton, take this man, John Laurens as your husband?"

"I do."

"Do you, John Laurens, take this man, Alexander Hamilton as your husband?"

"I do."

 **Hey! There's only one more chapter left after this!**

 **If you notice, I edited this! I won't be doing a Marvel one next, but Supernatural. GAY GAY GAY.**


	7. Chapter 7

"Alex?" John called out sleepily. His husband was nowhere to be found. His side of the bed was empty and cold. Panic began to seize John.

"Alex…" John wandered the house, looking for Alex. A quiet noise floated from a room. Softly opening the door, he found Alex sleeping next to Phillip, their adopted son. John smiled and shook his head.

"Babe, get up," he said, gently shaking Alex.

Alex sleepily opened his eyes.

"What time is it?" he asked groggily, reaching for his glasses.

"Time to get up," John pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead. "Phil, you too."

Phillip rubbed his eyes. "I don't have school today."

"We're going over to Uncle Laf and Uncle Herc's house, forgot?" John chuckled, rubbing Phillip's head. "Go get ready."

Phil bounded out of bed and Alex reluctantly got up.

"You know...sometimes it all seems too good to be true," Alex murmured, kissing John.

"I know."

 _ **fin**_


End file.
